Finding the Extraordinary, in the Seemingly Ordinary: Spotlight on CF

Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of my little blogging venture.

What began as an outlet, the simple rantings and ravings of a first-time mom, has since "blossomed" into something more tangible. A network of like-minded parents. A safe haven for mommy group dropouts. A supportive community willing to embrace the laughable moments  in parenthood and to shun modern ideals of what is "perfect" or "beautiful."

And with a growing readership, this blog can also occasionally be a platform.

I knew I wanted the "anniversary edition" of my blog to be about something special. Something Extraordinary even.

 

This is Scotty. And he is that something extraordinary.

 



One could argue that in many ways, Scotty is just like any other (almost) 3 year old. He is a fun-loving,  Pooh Blanket toting, self-proclaimed mama's boy. Habitual giggler. Lover of all things Mickey. A bubble fanatic and a serial napper. Scotty loves snuggling, coloring, and stockpiling his toys way out of his baby brother's reach! He is the quintessential toddler.

But there's also something really extraordinary about him. An aura of awareness. The way his eyes don't just look at you...they pierce through you. Scotty's gaze is permeated by a seasoned understanding and a maturity far beyond his years. This is perhaps, in part, because Scotty has a disease known as Cystic Fibrosis.

For those of you who aren't familiar, "Cystic fibrosis is a devastating genetic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States. The disease causes the body to produce unusually thick, sticky mucus that clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections; and stops the body from breaking down/absorbing food," (Courtesy of Cff.org).

Scotty was diagnosed at just 2 weeks old, and has since endured a number of life-saving medical interventions. Though he looks and acts much like an "ordinary" toddler, his days are filled with many extraordinary measures to help keep him healthy.


Scotty's 5th Hospitalization

In order to break up the mucous in his lungs, Scotty has to wear a specialized vest and utilize a nebulizer at least twice a day. In addition, he takes numerous specialty vitamins and enzymes to assist his digestive tract. Because Scotty still has a difficult time maintaining a healthy weight, he is also given appetite stimulants, antibiotics (as necessary), Prilosec, saline, and formula through a feeding tube in his stomach. 

Undergoing Nebulizer/Compression Vest Treatment

Despite this strict regimen, and being perpetually monitored by vigilant parents and a slew of specialists, there are still times that the disease catches up with him, and Scotty has to be hospitalized.
To say that this disease has taken a toll on Scotty and his family would be the understatement of the century. The emotional, financial, and physical stresses associated with this chronic illness are clear. Despite their difficulties, Scotty and his family remain positive and even serve as ambassadors for the Cystic Fibrosis community. Their mission is to raise awareness about the disease, and to raise money to help fund a cure.

However, Scotty and his family are in a race against time. Even with medical advances, most children with Cystic Fibrosis will never see their 40th birthday. The current treatments focus on symptom alleviation, but they do not cure the disease.

There are many promising medical developments, but research takes money. That's where you lovely readers come in! In order to eradicate this disease, and ensure that Scotty lives a LONG and happy life, he needs YOU to make a donation.

I know that for most families right now, money is really tight. But Scotty's not asking you for a mortgage payment. Any donation, no matter how small, goes to help find a cure. Scotty, and all of the other individuals touched by this disease, appreciate every penny.

Since this is the special anniversary edition of my blog, I implore you guys to man up and make a donation. Hopefully, this blog has given you a year of candor and laughter. Or perpetual fodder and confidence that you are a way better parent than some of us nut jobs! Either way, I gave you all of the aforementioned: For free!

 I promise to keep sharing my parental exploits and misadventures, if y'all promise to go and DONATE some money! Come on, you can part with five measly bucks. That's not even enough for a coffee, or good wine. Go! Now! Donate! (please and thank you)

(Every Other) Mother Knows Best

I have a bone to pick with Mommyland.

Somewhere along the line, one of us yahoos decided it was socially acceptable to push our own personal child rearing agenda onto everyone else.

I'm not talking about Great Aunt Bertha sharing her time honored wisdom, or close friends who offer tidbits from the motherhood trenches. I'm referring to individuals like your acquaintance from Kindermusic, the friend of a friend who always manages to comment on your facebook posts, or the stranger at Target who rips you a new one for feeding your kid Gluten-full goldfish crackers in the checkout line.

To those (hopefully) well meaning mothers I say, "thanks, but no thanks, for your lectures and tirades." Call me crazy, but I kind of miss the good ole' days when we would all quietly judge those who raised their children differently from us. If one felt particularly daring, he or she could even secretly gab about said parental atrocities with some friends. Sadly, those days of closeted judgment are over. Now, moms walk right up to you, with a smile plastered on their face, and an outline of the five million ways you are irrevocably screwing up your child.

Like this job isn't hard enough. Like each of us doesn't already harbor seemingly endless feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and "mommy guilt."  

We are all on our own personal quest for parental perfection and maternal nirvana. But what is "perfect" for one family, might be imperfect in another. What is blissful for some, could be beastly to others. Somewhere along the line, we forgot that these differences are in fact.... entirely acceptable.
Instead of appreciating the diversity and supporting one another however we can, there are those among us who actively belittle, chastise, and disparage fellow moms.

I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have been "corrected" or "schooled" by another mom.
               "That seat should still be rear-facing."
                "Those shoes are terrible for his developing spine."
                "He shouldn't be watching television at this age."
                "You need to put him on a sleep schedule."
                "Why aren't those berries organic?"

It's one thing if I beseech someone for their input, its another thing entirely when I am beaten about the face and neck with unsolicited critiques. 

Fortunately, my son already has two more than capable parents, and we are not currently interviewing for a third. We might not always get everything right, but we try and make informed and educated decisions based on what is best for our family. It might be a lot different from what goes on in your home, or it could be nearly identical, but it's what works for us.

For example, in our house, I am still breastfeeding my nearly 20 month old. This is absolutely outrageous in some circles, and totally acceptable in others. Either way, you won't ever find me going door to door to try and "convert" other moms. You'd also be hard pressed to catch me cringing at the mere sight of formula or sighing dramatically when I hear that another mom had to stop breastfeeding. I don't do any of these things because, besides being ridiculous, it's not my place to. The choices another mom makes for her and her family are hers alone. Who am I to say that my way is superior? Who am I to try and make someone conform?

But clearly, not everyone values personal choice as much as I do. And to those individuals I say, "It's awesome that your motherly instincts are just overflowing like that...but maybe, just maybe, you could swallow your derogatory comments and "helpful" remarks, and utilize that parental prowess on your own kid."

 (Because if you keep hating on these gluten-full goldfish I'm liable to throat chop you.)

Apocalypse Now: 30 Reasons The World is Ending Today (According to my Toddler)

We all know that there are two sides to every story.

Mom's side: We have entered the stage of child-rearing where temper tantrums are frequent, fearsome, and unpredictable. My husband and I often feel like we are toting around a ticking time bomb; it is not a matter of if, but when it will be set off. We've learned a few short-term fixes: silly songs, funny faces, the occasional lollipop, and Beverley Hills Chihuahua movies are among the most frequently employed. Occasionally, even this arsenal is not enough to combat the head thrashing, teeth gnashing, body planking tactics of our little bundle of joy. We'd love to take preventative measures, to bypass these tantrums entirely, but who knows what will set him off next?!

Baby's side: I love my parents, I really do. But the sooner they realize that their entire purpose for being, is to cater to my every whim, we will all be better off. Obviously, I'm in charge. Yet, for whatever reason, they continue to desperately cling to the idea that they make the rules.

Adorable?
Yes.
Laughable?
Yes.
But candidly, its a bit embarrassing too.

I see other kids at the mall playground, all of the time, whose parents are already fully trained. These parents are always armed with an array of snacks, a change of clothes, a myriad of playthings, and still manage to dash this way and that, at their child's beck and call. I often wonder how long it will take to get my own parents to that point. Sigh.

As far as this "tantrum" business, the 'rents are seriously over dramatizing it. Like I said before, I'm the boss. Should be a given. These so called tantrums, are a mere reflection of the kind of work/effort my parents are putting in. A sort of "performance review," if you will. There are numerous reasons a performance could be deemed unsatisfactory, all of which seem plain as day to me.

However, because there are some incredibly dense subordinates (parents) out there, I am including a list of obvious infractions/difficulties that need be dealt with swiftly and severely. (via screaming, thrashing, head banging, biting, planking, etc)

1. I'm hungry.
2. NO I don't want that for lunch! It's disgusting. I'm allergic. I could be poisoned. I don't care if it was my favorite food yesterday, I hate it.
3. I'm tired.
4. I don't want to take a nap. Naps are for babies. You take a nap.
5. Why won't you let me play with that steak knife?
6. I can't get the lid off this marker.
7. That lady just looked at me.
8. I don't want to wear pants.
9. That lady is STILL looking at me.
10. I don't want to hug grandpa.
11. I'm stuck in the toilet.
12. I want a sticker.
13. There's a sticker on my hand and I can't get it off.
14. I want a lollipop before bed.
15. Your IPhone isn't working. I think I broke it again. (Why are YOU crying, mom?)
16. I don't want to sit in the car seat. Car seats are for babies.
17. I just pooped myself.
18. That kid on the playground touched me.
19. This food is too hot.
20. This food is too cold.
21. Did you just stick your finger in my food?
22. You went to the bathroom without me.
23. I'm stuck in this cabinet.
24. Why can't I climb the dresser?
25. Why can't I eat this worm?
26. You look like you're trying to leave the house without me.
27. I want to color the wall again. Give me back my crayons.
28. My zebra is stuck in the toilet.
29. My playroom is messy.
30. Are you blogging again?!

Making Marriage Work...Because Murder is Frowned Upon

Let me set the stage for an epic marital argument that occurred in my house today.

1) My husband decided to take the baby for a bike ride.
2) Ecstatic to have some baby-free time, I whipped up a tile grout cleaning connection I saw on pinterest and began scrubbing a small area of our floor. (Don't ask me why I chose this as my "fun," baby free activity, I'm not quite sure either.)
3)Hubbie came back with a tired, hungry, and cranky baby and found me Cinderella-style scrubbing said tile. (melodrama-intended)
4) Baby began screaming because he wasn't allowed in the kitchen where I was scrubbing.
5) Husband grew more and more perturbed by the minute.
6) Pot finally boiled over when hubbie stomped into the kitchen in a rage, and fell ass over tea kettle onto my sparkling clean floor.
7) And so began a long, nasty, tirade, directed at moi.

Today, my husband was a Grade-A, Douche-canoe. He was snarky. He was loud-mouthed. He was quick-tempered and downright mean. If his objective was to make me want to beat him with a rubber mallet, he not only succeeded, he struck that one out of the park. Needless to say, it was not his best day.

Thank baby Jesus, he hardly ever acts like that. Fortunately, today was the exception, not the rule.

HOWEVER, when he does act like a royal turd, I usually take his behavior as an invitation to lash back. To unload all of my pent up frustrations in a seemingly endless tirade of my own. A months worth of bottled up complaints and resentments can come spewing out of my mouth in a stream of verbal diarrhea.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to determine that there are probably better ways to respond.

So today, instead of losing my cool, chopping him in the throat, or plotting his murder, I just zipped my lips. And as hard as that was, it actually panned out. Remaining quiet gave me the necessary time to sort through my thoughts before responding to his asshattery. And I'll be damned if after thinking things through, I didn't realize that he kind of had a point. My timing for the floor cleaning project (right before the dinner/bedtime routine) was awful and the spot I picked to initiate it (the middle of our kitchen)was even worse. He was right, and I was wrong.

The way he addressed the issue, and the lame-sauce manner in which he spoke to me was hurtful and disappointing. I was right and he was wrong.

In essence, we were both right and both wrong. But while I was thinking, it occurred to me that marriage is so much more than that.

When my husband and I got married, we did so under the mutual understanding that we are in this for the long haul. In an era in which divorce is increasingly prevalent, our commitment to one another was not something taken lightly. Seeing as we both come from broken homes, divorce was never going to be an option for us. If and when we said "I do," we would make an irrevocable promise. A promise for forever.

I am happy to say that I am just as committed to this man today, as I was that August afternoon many years ago, when my shaky fingers slid a golden band onto his strong and steady ones and promised eternity. Today's fight does not even put a dent in the amount of love and adoration I have for him. And the next fight, or the one after that can't and won't shake our sturdy foundation either. Ours is a marriage based on friendship, laughter, trust, communication, and deep-seated love. I am confident that it will stand the test of time.

However, to prevent any homicides and ensure that our marriage remains fun and livable, it needs work. Every day. We have plenty more arguments in our future, but we need to learn to fight fair and communicate better as a preventative measure. My husband is a man of metaphors, so when I finally came back to discuss this particular disagreement, I tried to speak in his language.

I told him that our marriage is a bit like a house that you love dearly and plan on living out your days in. Home ownership take effort. You are either mindfully working to make it sparkle, or lackadaisically facilitating its dilapidation. For example, snippy comments to one another might be equivalent to a chipped floor tile in the house. Big, blowout arguments akin to a gaping hole in the drywall. After awhile, you lose sight of the house's true beauty, and all you can see are the flaws. On the other hand, striving to make one another happy and actively listening and communicating would be like patching those drywall holes or adding a fresh coat of paint to the "house."

My husband and I are both in this forever, so we just have to decide whether we want to live in a beautiful cottage or a dilapidated shack, and act accordingly. I challenge you, dear readers, to ask yourself the same.

Rocking Resolutions: New Year, New Me

With the New Year right around the corner, I've started contemplating possible "resolutions."

Whether its a sign of maturing or simply an indication of too much time on my hands, I may never know, but I have been giving this some serious thought. For the past 5 years or so, I've come up with a bunch of lame sauce resolutions like "lose weight." I always have the best of intentions, go at it all gung-ho and what not. But ultimately, these "resolutions" last a few weeks and then give way to oreo binging and wine guzzling. My heart isn't really in it, and I think I go about it for all the wrong reasons. This year I wanted to come up with a better list. I wanted to set attainable and personally profound goals. I want to work toward being a better person.

 

2013

This Year I Will

1. Let Go
This is a big one for me. For years, I bottled up lots of emotions surrounding my childhood. Anger towards my Dad, pity for my Mom, sorrow for the life that could have been and never was. I think that in creating a family of my own, I am finally starting to find peace. My relationship with my Dad is now better than ever, and this year I want to continue my journey of forgiving and forging onward.
I encourage you to do the same. If you are holding onto past hurts, work on letting go. You cannot control how other people act or have acted, only your response to it. Don't let the past weigh you down any longer.
 
2. Live in the present
I have a tendency to dwell on the past, or live dreaming of the future. I will always be a dreamer, but I can't ever truly appreciate the chapter I am living now, if I am always looking back or skipping forward. The older I get, the more I realize how quickly this life passes. We only really have today. I want to work on living in the "now." Wrestling my baby in a mountain of unfolded laundry and letting the dirty dishes sit so that I can read him his favorite book. Ask yourself what can wait, and prioritize what cannot.
 
3. Be kind to Myself
I don't know about you, but I reserve some of the harshest criticisms and meanest words for myself. I speak to myself in a manner that I would never address anyone else in. My internal dialogue sometimes includes things like, "You're so fat. Look at that Muffin top!" "Macaroni and Cheese again? If you were a better wife, you'd know how to make a REAL dinner." "If you were a better mom, he wouldn't be having a tantrum in the store like this." This year that dialogue has got to change. I need to be kinder to myself, to allow more leeway, and to stop striving for perfection. If you struggle with this as well, remember that life is supposed to be messy, humans are supposed to be imperfect, and some of the greatest moments are hidden amidst the chaos.
 
4. Be kind to others
I like to think I am a good person, but sometimes I catch myself engaging in behaviors that aren't in line with my values or belief system. I gossip, I lie, I am short tempered, and I wish ill will on people who irritate me. I am always, typically, sometimes kind in person, but I also want to work on being kind to others even when they aren't around. If this is an area you want to work on, understand that honesty and accountability are pivotal aspects of making lasting changes.
 
5. Take Care of Myself
This is as close as I will get to mentioning weight loss. Sure, I could stand to lose some poundage, nobody is arguing that, but I want it to be for the right reasons. This year, I want to work on being more active and eating better, so that I can be a better wife and mom. I'd love to be able to keep up with my son's boundless energy and also ensure that I'll be around to spend many more years head over heels in love with my husband. If you want to make changes pertaining to your physicality, go for it. Just make sure the reasoning behind the change is solid, so that your efforts are not in vain.
 
6. Fight Complacency & "Court" my husband
Speaking of my hubbie, this year I want to wage war against complacency in my marriage. It is amazing to be married to my best friend. It's freaking awesome that I can rip a giant fart, be bra-less and makeup-less in front of him, and never have to worry that he'll run for the hills. He is such an amazing man, he totally gets me, and I am beyond grateful to have found him.

However, he is still a man. Men want to be proud of their wives. Not in a 1950's pearls and meatloaf on the table kind of way, but proud nonetheless. Can I really expect him to be attracted to me when I'm constantly wearing two day old pajamas, zit cream, and a rats nest on the top of my head? I want to work on giving him my best "me." Not just physically either. When he talks to me about his day, I want to give him my undivided attention, rather than pretending to listen as I return emails or channel surf. I want to be more patient with him, more understanding, less focused on his shortcomings and more concentrated  on the phenomenal husband and father that he is. This one might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have young children underfoot. I'd suggest starting with a shower a day..or maybe even every other day. ;)
 
7. Be Grateful
I feel like I am constantly working on this one, so it must be pretty important. All I can say is, I am always the most happy when I remember to stop and appreciate all that I have: my home, my family, my friends, our health, etc. I really am blessed. An easy way to accomplish this, is to make a list of all the beautiful things in your life that you are grateful for. Hang it somewhere easily visible, and refer to it when you are having a particularly trying day.
 
8. Be Authentic
It didn't take me long to learn that not everyone can appreciate my unique rhythm. Perhaps for this reason, I am outrageously shy around people that I don't know well. When I am finally comfortable enough to come out of my shell, there is no turning back.

I am obnoxiously loud, sarcastic, inappropro, and completely unladylike. I love football, UFC fights, offshore fishing, and short* walks on the beach. I am a total homebody, and will always prefer my paperback to your party. I lack the stamina or stomach for hard alcohol, which makes me a terrible drinking buddy. (I will however, give it the old college try, if wine or beer is involved.)

I am an over-sensitive, overachiever, who cannot watch a telethon or SPCA commercial without sobbing uncontrollably and coordinating a car wash for cancer-ridden kittens. I am prone to hormonal outbursts, but quick to apologize when I'm in the wrong. Loyal to a fault and probably much too naive for my age, but this is me.

This year, I want to work on "owning" all of these aspects of myself. In other words, I will be waving my "freak" flag with pride. I'm clearly not going to be everyones cup of tea, and that's alright. I would rather live authentically than perpetually try to alter or temper myself in order to "fit in." As Dr Seuss said, "The people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind don't matter."

I realize that this is probably one of the more difficult aspirations to embrace. To be authentic, is to be vulnerable. To completely put yourself out there. You could be shunned or you could be embraced. But wouldn't it be great to find those who embrace you, for you, and weed out those who don't?                                

In summation, I'm pretty pleased with my list of New Years resolutions. Here's hoping you come up with something equally meaningful for yours, dear readers.

Pinterest Induced Stress Syndrome: Holiday Edition

I love everything about the holidays.

The music, the baked goods, the adorable crafts, and the lax rules surrounding leg shaving. This time of year is by far my favorite. At least, it used to be...before the Pinterest era.

Don't get me wrong. I love a good craft or delicious baked good, just as much as the next yahoo. But because of Pinterest, my toddler's cross-eyed reindeer hand print and my habitually burnt holiday cookies just don't seem to cut it anymore.

Christmas dinner has become this elaborate production, that involves more time, effort, and stockpiling than any of those doomsday preppers!  Because every Pinterest post is described as "delightfully easy" and "much more cost effective," we guilt ourselves into trying to create the perfect Christmas scene for our loved ones. And what would Christmas be without a whimsical candy forest, the perfectly dressed tree, chalkboard menus, dessert and hot cocoa bars, amusingly agile elves on shelves, etc.?

Let's cut the crap for a minute. We all know that those crafts and recipes are hardly ever easier or more affordable than their store bought counterparts. And we know that setting the perfect holiday scene is not a piece of cake.

Regardless, some of us are just gluttons for punishment. If you're dead-set on getting your crafting or baking on, its important to know that those Stepford biotches on Pinterest LIE. Big time. The project you are attempting will, most assuredly, NOT be delightfully simple. In fact, I think some of them purposefully leave out pivotal directions so you end up with a hot mess like this:

Top: Pinterest Peppermint Tray Fantasy
Bottom: Reality

Seriously. Did you get a good look at my tray? I followed those directions to a "T" and ended up with a giant pile of what...maybe snowman vomit? It literally took me like 5 tries to get anything close to resembling the top picture. Do you know what else they don't mention in the directions? That in order to complete this craft, you will be unwrapping individual peppermints for hours! Or scrubbing tiny pieces of peppermint shrapnel out of your carpet. "Delightfully simple," my ass!







My whimsical candy forest turned out alright. However, the time, effort, and money spent on these suckers would have been much better served equipping me with more wine to deal with my pig of a father-in-law this Christmas season.














These chalkboard trays turned out pretty cute as well, and were pretty cost-effective. The pinterest directions said to use spray paint, which was a giant pain in the arse. If I had it to do over, I would have opted for the roll on kind.

 After exhausting myself with all of my other pintrocities, I ended up wrapping one of the presents like this. Go to the store and buy an entire new roll, just to wrap ONE present?! Pshhh! I got this. Scraps from three different wrapping papers.

Now THAT was delightfully easy and cost effective! ;)

Mom University: Making the Most of "Me" Time (Part Deux)

I want to welcome back those of you who already follow my blog, because where would I be without you crazy kids, and also extend an open invitation to everyone who found my blog via Hooplaha.com! Welcome! (Waves enthusiastically.)

This post is a follow-up on the original Mom University piece I did back in September, so you might want to start there. You can also catch up on some of my most popular posts here and here.

For those of you who don't know, I am a first-time mom to an adorable, heart-melting, patience-trying little guy, who will be 17 months old next week. When I first had my son, I was unprepared for how incredibly isolating motherhood could be. In my pre-baby life, I was a student and a therapist. Perpetually talking to, listening to, or otherwise engaging people. The transition from that to staying home with a demanding little bundle, who quite frankly didn't make for the most titillating conversations, was a difficult one.

From my experience as a therapist, I knew that taking a "breather" every once in awhile was imperative for maintaining my sanity. However, as a mother it is seemingly impossible to think in these terms. We are programmed to be selfless creatures; to prioritize our spouses, and our children. But the fact remains: Taking occasional time out really does help recharge, revitalize, and restore you. It makes you a better spouse, a better parent, a better person overall.

BUT, I found that making "me-time" was not enough in itself. The majority of the time, I would squander the limited alone time I did have, on passive activities like facebook or television. I was not actively pursing my dreams, or my passions. I felt like I had given up.

As much as I adore being a mother, it is not my end all be all. There are so many other facets of me, that make me the person that I am. I love baking, traveling, painting, photography, etc. and by constantly putting everyone else in my life first, I allowed those parts to languish.

We don't get another chance at life. This is our one shot.

I know that I am ultimately responsible for my own happiness. Therefore, I started Mom University in a concerted effort to pursue those passions once again. I like to think of Mom University as a "mini-movement." I am challenging other mothers to stop making excuses, prioritize themselves, and pursue their dreams.

Change your "some days" into "to-days."

Your time is now.