Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: Dear Mom: 5 Things Motherhood Taught Me That You Couldn't (Not for lack of trying)   

Friday, May 4, 2012

Dear Mom: 5 Things Motherhood Taught Me That You Couldn't (Not for lack of trying)

My mother told me that I am to never, under any circumstances, blog about her or anything even remotely related to her. So, here I am less than 2 months into my blog, and that's exactly what I think I will do. Kids! Whahahahaha.

I've learned a lot of things since becoming a mom. I could just keep them to myself, and never give her the satisfaction of being right, but I'm much too candid and fond of self-deprecation for that so here goes:

1) It was wrong of me to sing the "watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle" jello song, as a child, every time I smacked you on the butt.
Clearly, the bodily landscape changes a bit after having a kid. If my son were to ever laugh at MY cellulite, stretch marks, or general "jiggle-ability" I would probably punt him like a football. I'd then tell him that the shit jiggles because I have zero muscle tone thanks to his recent extended stay in Casa de Belly. How did that not make you want to beat me with a wiffle bat? You must have the patience of a saint.

2) You were not lying when you said I would never sleep again.
 I think I'm approaching a year of sleep abstinence.It started in the third trimester when I had to wake 800 times in the night to pee, and has carried over since my obstinate son refuses to sleep through the night. I'm rocking this under eye baggage though, right?

3) I shouldn't have/shouldn't continue to make fun of you for worrying so much about me.
I don't think I will ever stop worrying about my baby. Ever.When I first held my son, I was amazed, enthralled, and terrified. The enormous responsibility of my role literally took my breath away. It was so much nicer when I knew he was tucked away, safe in my belly. Having him outside in the world, exposed to the various "elements", is like having my heart outside of my body.  I think I get it now, mom. I know that this feeling won't ever change; even when he is an adult in the eyes of the rest of the world. He will always be my baby, and I will always be yours.

4) Single Motherhood must have sucked ass.
I appreciate you exponentially more now. I am very lucky to have a supportive spouse and lots of family who help out with the baby a ton.  Yet, I still have days when I absolutely want to tear my hair out. Days when the baby is screaming because he is exhausted but refuses to sleep, my stomach is growling because I haven't eaten since the day before, Jehovah's Witnesses are at the door and I realize I had a whole conversation with them while my left boob was peeking out of the nursing bra. How you managed to effectively juggle so many different roles, at such a young age, is beyond me.

5) There IS NO parenting manual that accompanies your sweet bundle of joy.
Well if there is, I didn't get one. Parenting is amazing. I am confident that it is the most awe-inspiring, rewarding, and fulfilling "job" in the world. However, it is also the most difficult. The stakes could not be any higher. I am constantly questioning myself; doubting decisions I made or didn't make. Wondering if I'm damaging him irreparably or if he'll fund some therapist's retirement one day because of all his childhood issues.

All this to say, that if you were anything like me, mom, you might have wondered the same thing. You might have been terrified sometimes. You probably could have used a little encouragement and a pat on the back every once in awhile.

 Rest assured that you did great, ma. You did really great. <3


  1. perfect timing for mothers day. i hope she reads this :)

  2. The terror never ever goes away. It subsides from time to time, but truly, it remains for the rest of your life. Now you know why you are an only child. : ) There have been a million moments when I thought I just wouldn't survive the sheer terror evoked by what you were doing. Most recently, you terrified me with the birth of your son. Granted, I love him dearly, but it went badly there for a while for both of you. What? Exponential terror? Worry for yet another tiny human? Emergency surgery to get him out, me about to require bond/bail money for ALLEGEDLY assaulting the anesthesiologist for not getting anything right and trying to give you medication you clearly indicated you rejected, and then the C section without getting you numb first (even after something like 35 pokes in the spine) which gave you a near death experience and excruciating pain endured only by wounded soldiers in the field or women in third world countries with no real medical attention. Of course all of that was accentuated by the anesthesiologist running from the O.R. to find the head guy to get it right. Really? The anesthesia mask was right there. He could have had you unconscious in seconds but he ran out??....but I digress.
    I love you daughter, but the terror never ever goes away. It is also a love that is so profound and so deep, that you never imagined such emotion was possible.
    I am going to sleep now...for the whole night. Remember that? hahahahaha. By the way, thanks for this blog, but you could have left out the jello part.

    1. The jello thing was pretty mild for all the dirt I have on you ;) <3 you

    2. The jello part was my favorite!