Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: Married with Children...Game Over?   

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Married with Children...Game Over?

Being a "youngish" 20-something mom, the majority of my friends are still single and consequently have no children. This has been quite the adjustment. Irony of ironies, they often remind me of the fact that growing up I was the one who swore I would never get married and never ever have children.

The reasons are endless. Kids are gross. They're messy. They smell funny. They say weird shit and ask crazy questions that I don't know how to respond to (i.e. "Your legs are really hairy today" or "Why does your butt jiggle when you walk?"). Kids have perpetually slimy hands. They frequently sport a snot fountain from one or both nostrils, and expect you to wipe it for them. Seriously? You can reprogram the remote and download 800 apps to my iPhone, but you can't handle that ogre-sized booger? Clearly, I had reason to hesitate before popping kids out like pez candy.

My single friends, on the other hand, had all six of their kids' names picked out and a floor plan for their dream house in the burbs'. I think God must have a sense of humor.

It's not that I'm jealous, or that I regret the decisions I've made up to this point. Make no mistake, I am grateful everyday for the life that I lead. I have an awesome husband (the majority of the time) and a beautiful baby boy who gives me more hope, love, purpose, and outfit changes than I could have ever imagined in my single days.

It just seems like the differences between my single friends and I are so much more amplified since I had my son. There are the obvious differences, which are evidenced when we go shopping at the mall. Recently on such a trip, a friend picked out awesome $90 heels to go party in and I found myself wondering aloud how quickly they'd give her blisters and thinking to myself that if she has just clipped that coupon from Sunday's paper they would only be $60. Who does that?! I'm clearly a far cry from my old, rocking self. And what was on my shopping list, you ask? A nursing bra. One that makes me look like a hot mom..instead of someones asexual great-grandma. To date, I'm not sure these exist. Frankly, I have more faith in the Easter bunny.

Apparently, I'm not the only one who has noticed these differences between my former single life and my new married with a baby life. It seems like my husband and I get invited to things less and less these days because people assume we can't make it because of the baby. The real kick in the nuts, is that they are probably right. Even if I COULD make it, I can't even fathom myself going "downtown" and drinking myself into oblivion any more. Can you imagine a hangover on top of a crabby 9 month old? Oy Vey!

When "going out" on a Friday night now equates to getting take out, eating dinner before the old people even show up at the restaurant, or grabbing a $10 bottle of wine from the Quickie Mart, how does one keep up with his/her single counterparts and maintain pre-baby friendships??


  1. It is tough, that's for sure. We were amongt the first to get married and have kids in our group of friends and we were almost 30 when we did it. We started having lots of get togethers at our house. BBQ central. It was so much easier and more relaxing to have friends over. Plus all our friends loved seeing and playing with the boys. We would go out for early dinners. Hell, i would meet my girls for happy hour complete with 2 baby carriers. The point is if you value these friendships YOU need to organize events and outings that work for you. People will come.

    Twins happen

  2. It's really difficult, and it's something we have yet to completely master. My friends WITH kids seem to live too far away, and our single/childless friends don't always bother including us, even though we're minutes away. We have been able to get out SOME, but it's definitely not the way it was pre-baby. (but strangely, I'm okay with that!)

    Hang in there, hon... you'll find your groove.

  3. I have 3... and let me tell you that with each child, your "go out" ability decreases. My friends all ask me "how do you do it?"... COME OVER AND SEE!!! They're just babies, the 5 year old is interactive and fun now. I need adult conversation and a reason to put the yoga pants away before 3. I miss the days when going to the grocery store didn't involve an hour of planning and packing. Nursing Bras??? Oh Baby, after 3 you're just happy if you can find something to keep those puppies from poking you in the eye when you bend over. Haha ;D I wouldn't trade a second though, being a Mommy is the best job ever!

  4. I think you are funny. Keep it coming. Some people clearly can't handle funny...

  5. I hear ya, sister. It's so hard to watch your friends go out and party when all it does is stir up a bazillion conflicting emotions. I find myself waffling between being thankful for all the amazing blessings I've been given and being sad that I'm not the same person I once was. Then I feel guilty for being sad and I give myself a mental kick in the ass...at which point I generally go back to feeling jolly for a while. That is, until I'm confronted with a whole department full of adorable little bikinis that I know I'll never be able to wear again. *sigh* It's difficult to build a bridge between who you once were and who you are now. But underneath it all...it IS still you. It's just a more multifaceted, mature you.

    But I'd bet the party girl in you will come out again here and there. And when that happens, you'll have a fabulous night, relive your "glory days," and then be more thankful than you ever thought possible to return to your normal, sensible family when it's all done.

    When you feel overwhelmed, just do what I do...blog about it, and turn whatever is stressing you out into something to laugh about. In fact, it seems you're doing a pretty good job of that already, my dear! Keep it up...you'll be just fine! :-)

    I'm loving your blog and following!

    Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood

  6. I totally get where you're coming from! My husband is in the Army and we're the only ones out of our group of friends that are married with a baby. Luckily we get invited to cook-outs at other people's homes, but the baby and I usually drive separate from my husband b/c we always have to leave early (heaven forbid he leave with us!). When we're visiting our families in our home state we fit in more b/c ALL of our friends there are married w/ kids...oh how I miss that! The thing I struggle with the most is when my husband goes out w/ his friends and I get left at home w/ the baby...

    As for nursing bras, I found a cute one at Motherhood Maternity that even has lace on the band so it feels like a "normal" bra but hast he functionality of a nursing bra!

    P.S. I love your blog! Keep it coming :)

  7. I just found your blog and love it! This resonates with me so much! I am a youngish 20-something married mom. Our LO is almost 6 months old and my husband and I were just discussing how we never are invited to things anymore. It is a hard "norm" to get used to. I like the idea of having BBQs at our house to bring our single/childless friends around because honestly, I miss them. I really want them to remain a part of our family's life.