Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Married with Children...Game Over?
The reasons are endless. Kids are gross. They're messy. They smell funny. They say weird shit and ask crazy questions that I don't know how to respond to (i.e. "Your legs are really hairy today" or "Why does your butt jiggle when you walk?"). Kids have perpetually slimy hands. They frequently sport a snot fountain from one or both nostrils, and expect you to wipe it for them. Seriously? You can reprogram the remote and download 800 apps to my iPhone, but you can't handle that ogre-sized booger? Clearly, I had reason to hesitate before popping kids out like pez candy.
My single friends, on the other hand, had all six of their kids' names picked out and a floor plan for their dream house in the burbs'. I think God must have a sense of humor.
It's not that I'm jealous, or that I regret the decisions I've made up to this point. Make no mistake, I am grateful everyday for the life that I lead. I have an awesome husband (the majority of the time) and a beautiful baby boy who gives me more hope, love, purpose, and outfit changes than I could have ever imagined in my single days.
It just seems like the differences between my single friends and I are so much more amplified since I had my son. There are the obvious differences, which are evidenced when we go shopping at the mall. Recently on such a trip, a friend picked out awesome $90 heels to go party in and I found myself wondering aloud how quickly they'd give her blisters and thinking to myself that if she has just clipped that coupon from Sunday's paper they would only be $60. Who does that?! I'm clearly a far cry from my old, rocking self. And what was on my shopping list, you ask? A nursing bra. One that makes me look like a hot mom..instead of someones asexual great-grandma. To date, I'm not sure these exist. Frankly, I have more faith in the Easter bunny.
Apparently, I'm not the only one who has noticed these differences between my former single life and my new married with a baby life. It seems like my husband and I get invited to things less and less these days because people assume we can't make it because of the baby. The real kick in the nuts, is that they are probably right. Even if I COULD make it, I can't even fathom myself going "downtown" and drinking myself into oblivion any more. Can you imagine a hangover on top of a crabby 9 month old? Oy Vey!
When "going out" on a Friday night now equates to getting take out, eating dinner before the old people even show up at the restaurant, or grabbing a $10 bottle of wine from the Quickie Mart, how does one keep up with his/her single counterparts and maintain pre-baby friendships??