Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: Rocking Resolutions: New Year, New Me   

Friday, December 28, 2012

Rocking Resolutions: New Year, New Me

With the New Year right around the corner, I've started contemplating possible "resolutions."

Whether its a sign of maturing or simply an indication of too much time on my hands, I may never know, but I have been giving this some serious thought. For the past 5 years or so, I've come up with a bunch of lame sauce resolutions like "lose weight." I always have the best of intentions, go at it all gung-ho and what not. But ultimately, these "resolutions" last a few weeks and then give way to oreo binging and wine guzzling. My heart isn't really in it, and I think I go about it for all the wrong reasons. This year I wanted to come up with a better list. I wanted to set attainable and personally profound goals. I want to work toward being a better person.

 
2013
This Year I Will
  1. Let Go
  2. This is a big one for me. For years, I bottled up lots of emotions surrounding my childhood. Anger towards my Dad, pity for my Mom, sorrow for the life that could have been and never was. I think that in creating a family of my own, I am finally starting to find peace. My relationship with my Dad is now better than ever, and this year I want to continue my journey of forgiving and forging onward.
    I encourage you to do the same. If you are holding onto past hurts, work on letting go. You cannot control how other people act or have acted, only your response to it. Don't let the past weigh you down any longer.
     
  3. Live in the present
  4. I have a tendency to dwell on the past, or live dreaming of the future. I will always be a dreamer, but I can't ever truly appreciate the chapter I am living now, if I am always looking back or skipping forward. The older I get, the more I realize how quickly this life passes. We only really have today. I want to work on living in the "now." Wrestling my baby in a mountain of unfolded laundry and letting the dirty dishes sit so that I can read him his favorite book. Ask yourself what can wait, and prioritize what cannot.
     
  5. Be kind to Myself
  6. I don't know about you, but I reserve some of the harshest criticisms and meanest words for myself. I speak to myself in a manner that I would never address anyone else in. My internal dialogue sometimes includes things like, "You're so fat. Look at that Muffin top!" "Macaroni and Cheese again? If you were a better wife, you'd know how to make a REAL dinner." "If you were a better mom, he wouldn't be having a tantrum in the store like this." This year that dialogue has got to change. I need to be kinder to myself, to allow more leeway, and to stop striving for perfection. If you struggle with this as well, remember that life is supposed to be messy, humans are supposed to be imperfect, and some of the greatest moments are hidden amidst the chaos.
     
  7. Be kind to others
  8. I like to think I am a good person, but sometimes I catch myself engaging in behaviors that aren't in line with my values or belief system. I gossip, I lie, I am short tempered, and I wish ill will on people who irritate me. I am always, typically, sometimes kind in person, but I also want to work on being kind to others even when they aren't around. If this is an area you want to work on, understand that honesty and accountability are pivotal aspects of making lasting changes.
     
  9. Take Care of Myself
  10. This is as close as I will get to mentioning weight loss. Sure, I could stand to lose some poundage, nobody is arguing that, but I want it to be for the right reasons. This year, I want to work on being more active and eating better, so that I can be a better wife and mom. I'd love to be able to keep up with my son's boundless energy and also ensure that I'll be around to spend many more years head over heels in love with my husband. If you want to make changes pertaining to your physicality, go for it. Just make sure the reasoning behind the change is solid, so that your efforts are not in vain.
     
  11. Fight Complacency & "Court" my husband
  12. Speaking of my hubbie, this year I want to wage war against complacency in my marriage. It is amazing to be married to my best friend. It's freaking awesome that I can rip a giant fart, be bra-less and makeup-less in front of him, and never have to worry that he'll run for the hills. He is such an amazing man, he totally gets me, and I am beyond grateful to have found him.

    However, he is still a man. Men want to be proud of their wives. Not in a 1950's pearls and meatloaf on the table kind of way, but proud nonetheless. Can I really expect him to be attracted to me when I'm constantly wearing two day old pajamas, zit cream, and a rats nest on the top of my head? I want to work on giving him my best "me." Not just physically either. When he talks to me about his day, I want to give him my undivided attention, rather than pretending to listen as I return emails or channel surf. I want to be more patient with him, more understanding, less focused on his shortcomings and more concentrated  on the phenomenal husband and father that he is. This one might seem like an insurmountable task, especially if you have young children underfoot. I'd suggest starting with a shower a day..or maybe even every other day. ;)
     
  13. Be Grateful
  14. I feel like I am constantly working on this one, so it must be pretty important. All I can say is, I am always the most happy when I remember to stop and appreciate all that I have: my home, my family, my friends, our health, etc. I really am blessed. An easy way to accomplish this, is to make a list of all the beautiful things in your life that you are grateful for. Hang it somewhere easily visible, and refer to it when you are having a particularly trying day.
     
  15. Be Authentic
  16. It didn't take me long to learn that not everyone can appreciate my unique rhythm. Perhaps for this reason, I am outrageously shy around people that I don't know well. When I am finally comfortable enough to come out of my shell, there is no turning back.

    I am obnoxiously loud, sarcastic, inappropro, and completely unladylike. I love football, UFC fights, offshore fishing, and short* walks on the beach. I am a total homebody, and will always prefer my paperback to your party. I lack the stamina or stomach for hard alcohol, which makes me a terrible drinking buddy. (I will however, give it the old college try, if wine or beer is involved.)

    I am an over-sensitive, overachiever, who cannot watch a telethon or SPCA commercial without sobbing uncontrollably and coordinating a car wash for cancer-ridden kittens. I am prone to hormonal outbursts, but quick to apologize when I'm in the wrong. Loyal to a fault and probably much too naive for my age, but this is me.

    This year, I want to work on "owning" all of these aspects of myself. In other words, I will be waving my "freak" flag with pride. I'm clearly not going to be everyones cup of tea, and that's alright. I would rather live authentically than perpetually try to alter or temper myself in order to "fit in." As Dr Seuss said, "The people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind don't matter."

    I realize that this is probably one of the more difficult aspirations to embrace. To be authentic, is to be vulnerable. To completely put yourself out there. You could be shunned or you could be embraced. But wouldn't it be great to find those who embrace you, for you, and weed out those who don't?                                

    In summation, I'm pretty pleased with my list of New Years resolutions. Here's hoping you come up with something equally meaningful for yours, dear readers.

3 comments:

  1. Wow. This post hit me hard; so many of your resolutions are ones I need to make, especially taking care of myself and "courting" the mr. Love, love, love it!! :)

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  2. Wonderful post! "...life is supposed to be messy, humans are supposed to be imperfect, and some of the greatest moments are hidden amidst the chaos." Amen to THAT. I need to get this tattooed on the backs of both hands or something, because I seem to forget it a LOT. And you're totally right: it's about owning it. Waving the freak flag. ;-) It's about telling myself, "it's not only *okay* that I'm not a perfect mom (this is the one thing I struggle with more than *anything*), it's *normal* - there is no such THING as a perfect mom."

    If there's no such thing as a perfect mom, then there's no such thing as an imperfect mom, right? RIGHT!

    Anyway, THANK YOU for this. I needed to hear it today.

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  3. Great advice. I especially liked the one about the marriage and husband. I've been stuck in a rut for a while now and I laughed when you mentioned 2 day old pajamas...mine are work out clothes, but non the less you really hit everything spot on. Thanks for sharing an amazing post!

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