Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: 5 Things you Shouldn't Say to a Pregnant 2nd Time Mom   

Sunday, July 7, 2013

5 Things you Shouldn't Say to a Pregnant 2nd Time Mom

For a variety of reasons, it's been awhile since I've written a blog post.

A little writer's block. An epic bout of "morning sickness." A hormonally-induced fuse that seems to grow shorter and shorter the farther I get into this second pregnancy. All of these have combined to make me, shall we say, hesitant to blog.

Regardless, here I am! Ready to throw caution to the wind,  jump back on the proverbial blogging pony, and do what I do best: Vent.

And boy do I have some pent up frustrations! We'll start with some of the most common things my husband and I hear from family, friends, and strangers alike when they find out we are expecting again.

"So soon? Wow!"
"Was it planned?"
"I sure hope you guys know what you're in for."
"You think it's hard now, just wait!"
"I bet you're disappointed its a boy."
Please don't get me wrong. I realize that people have been making babies for millions of years and I don't expect a parade, or a pink pony for simply knocking boots with my husband. That being said,  would a simple "congratulations" kill you? Planned or unplanned (totally planned by the way), we created life! That's pretty epic!
And frankly,  I don't think that having kids who are 2.5 years apart qualifies us for some sort of Guinness World Record.
My personal favorite is the "I sure hope you guys know what you're in for." I'd like to think that 2 years into this parenting gig, I have an inkling about how difficult it can be. But for shits and giggles, lets pretend you're right. Let's pretend my husband and I are both clueless twits whose world will be utterly rocked with the arrival of a second child. Explain to me, how even in that hypothetical scenario, that smug comment is in anyway beneficial. Am I the only "glass is half full" person left around these parts? If you can't muster up some excitement for us, or choke out a "congratulations," then I'd rather you not say anything at all! 
Or, maybe try asking me or my husband how we feel about this second pregnancy for some perspective.
To which I'd reply...
"I'm thrilled! Frequently nervous. Perpetually excited to meet our new family member and watch his tiny personality unfold. Sometimes terrified. Occasionally overwhelmed. Aware that I'll have a toddler and a newborn. Concerned about having enough time, energy, and love to go around. Awe-struck to think of my current "baby" as a big brother. Anxious about the social, emotional, physical, and financial impact of raising a second child.
But overall, I'm happy.
I am so incredibly happy to be bringing another beautiful little boy into this world. I feel like everything is just as it should be, and I cannot wait to be a mommy again."
Baby Boy 2.0 Debuting November 2013
In summation, please think before you speak to a pregnant, second-time mom. We are already on the proverbial hormonal edge, and nobody wants you to end up getting punched in the throat.


  1. I completely understand where you are coming from. I am currently almost 14 weeks with baby #3. If I could have kept it concealed longer, I wish I would have! Some people are SO nosey. I am getting the same questions that you are getting + more.

  2. We had those same responses-- "Woah-- 20 months apart? You're just asking for it." Or anytime I'd say something about how hard it was before #2 was born, I'd get "Well, you should have thought about that before deciding on a 2nd. Just wait."

    Everyone was "joking" of course, but still...

    And now, with #3 on the way, I get "Woah! 3 kids under 4 years old? You must be asking for it..."

    People are just trying to be funny. Let it go. You have to-- they don't generally mean any harm. And just learn from the hurt, and do your best, when its your turn to congratulate kids on babies remember the things that you hated, even when said in jest.

    Good luck!

  3. I understand your laments. I got while #2 was in the womb and now out of the womb. Costco never fails to deliver the comments. Mine are 18 months apart. Planned. Yeah, it's crazy as hell. Yeah, it's hectic and emotional. But it's my life and I love it. Screw 'em!

  4. Hey, I found this after searching for advice for our second pregnancy. I am only 5 weeks, but the family we have told so far have reacted in the same way. Not even a congratulations!! Just "I thought so!" or "Good luck". Thanks, I mean really. It has really made me rethink (Even tho obviously it's too late). We've only known a week and I am feeling so down about it and way more nervous than I should be. We should be celebrating not bursting into tears. Some people are insensitive.

  5. I am a mother of daughters that were unplanned 12 months and 5 days, Guess what? If I had it to do all over again you can bet your lucky stars I would do it and never think twice about what the next person had to say! They were and still to this day so close and I loved it. Oh don't get me wrong I heard all the comments that you a getting also but I am the one that had to feed, change them and sit up with them at night when the needed to be fed or were sick.never let these Nay Sayers bother you because they are never going to walk in your shoes! Good luck to you!