Misadventures of a 20-Something Mom: Making Sense of the New Me: Mommy Identity Crisis?   

Monday, August 26, 2013

Making Sense of the New Me: Mommy Identity Crisis?

I was offered a job today. Not just any job though....the DREAM JOB. The pinnacle of everything I strived for during my 6+ years of post-secondary education. I was offered partnership in a fledgling, equine-assisted psychotherapy program. That might sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but it essentially boils down to just using horses to help people; something that I have always been passionate about. So what did I do? I graciously thanked the kind man and then I turned him down.

With a toddler and another baby on the way, I'm just not in the position to accept a job right now. Any job. Even the dream job.

So, I turned down the job of my dreams. And it sucked. It quite literally felt like a punch to the gut. I saw everything I had worked so hard for in college, my passions, my dreams, dissipate right before my eyes. And it made me sad.

Well, it made me sad for a little while at least. Until I came to the realization that I have a new dream job, and fortunately for me, I'm already employed there. The job description is vast and the hours and duties are seemingly endless. Associated titles are numerous as well. I have been known to go by "chief purchasing officer," "activities coordinator," "master toddler interpreter," "president of waste management," and "head housekeeper." However, my favorite title is simply "mom."

I've been a mom for two completely, often, occasionally glorious years now and it still strikes me as odd sometimes. Odd that I am responsible for (almost) two other human beings. Odd that I am shaping their  past, present, and future. Odd that no one from the hospital ever realized the error in their ways and came to rescue my son from my clearly inept and clueless hands.

I'm 26 years old and until embarrassingly recently I was under the impression that El Nino was a South American terrorist organization that deviously altered weather patterns. I'm perpetually mispronouncing things (still have to remind myself that carafe rhymes with giraffe), I'm scared of the dark, I rely on my gps to get me out of my own neighborhood, and I have even been known to mess up EasyMac. Ya. That's me in a nut shell. I'm a hot mess.

And yet, somehow, someway, I was still entrusted with the care of these tiny human beings. Most days, I haven't the faintest idea of what I'm doing. I feel as though I am simply fumbling my way through this parenting business. Living, learning, and desperately trying to keep my kid(s) out of the emergency room. And today I realized, that this is my new DREAM JOB. Motherhood.

The place where sloppy kisses and toothy smiles abound. A place where there is never a shortage of tiny arms reaching upward to be held. Where baby blue eyes plead for one more story before bed and fuzzy, blond heads just beg to be kissed each night as we rock to sleep.

This is the place where I have found my new passion. My new zest for life.

This is truly the job of my dreams.

And while I constantly find myself questioning whether I am doing a good enough job, (i.e. Am I disciplining too much? Too little? Am I providing enough stimuli for their growing minds? Do I read enough books? Provide enough socialization opportunities? Will the occasional Happy Meal destine my child to a life of diabetes and obesity?) I am also sure that at least for now, this is where I am meant to be.

Where I was always meant to be.

6 comments:

  1. Aww yes!!! Congrats on your dream job. May you always find it as fulfilling as you do today. That horse job will come along again when they're in middle school. Trust me.
    ~Frugalista Blog

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  2. You're completely right of course, frugie! There will be more jobs, more opportunities in the future. For right now, I am exactly where I need to be. :)

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  3. Hi Amanda, I jumped on over from Tori's Blog about birthdays. Loved you Sea Birthday Theme. I decided to check out your home page and I am so glad I did.This post is so perfect, Oh by the way I am sorry about your dream job, HOWEVER I believe without knowing you personally that you made the right choice. Why I say that is just what I took from your post it seems like you were meant to be right where you. ( That's just my opinion for all that it is worth, LOL) I just could not resist commenting on here to tell you that I am a Mom of three grown up babies and was a stay at home mom and NEVER regretted it once. I have nothing against a working mother, my heart goes out to them, I just knew that I was meant to be a stay at home mom. I believe that if your job was meant to be when you are. Ready for it then it will be there again for you. Sorry for the comment that turned into the beginning of a book, but Your post touched me in so many ways and I am also going to have my two daughters read this post. I wish it was a post that I had wrote myself. haha Thanks for allowing me to stop by. Vermonter34@gmail.com

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  4. Sorry it is vermonter34@gmail.com. Just in case you wanted to write back and let me know that a comment is a few sentences and my comment that I left was the beginning of a book that would not really be all that interesting. LOL Thanks again Tammie

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  5. what you are doing is best as much as you feel satisfied so keep going and live the rest on future. sunstyle suites downtown orlando

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  6. Hi Amanda! I'm Heather and I was hoping you would be able to answer my question about your blog! My email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)

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